A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood.

why must humans turn against themselves?

2011-01-09T09:27:00.001+08:00

i'd say that m.e lessons aren't that useless afterall. e multiple e.g of others' life story reveals how fortunate i am, my complacency, my weak-willed mind etc. self pity 5 min a day is enough. i've to b more resilient. i got to try my best, do my best n hope for e best for A's. my current grades aren't good but i got to try. treasure everyday of my life. lastly, i'd like to thank God for relieving my headache for today. i've done wrong in many ways but i seek ur forgivenes.

why must humans turn against themselves?

2011-01-09T09:27:00.000+08:00

wtf. family members are the ones who back stab me most. who the Fuck doesn't know that my parents are divorced. and when that litter Fucker saw me and my dad together, walked over to say hi awkwardly. what happens within 24 hours? she tells her LOVING parents, and they tell my mum. Fuck them. It's not like my dad has anything against them, it's not like it's a nice thing to talk about, it's only an ugly truth to you and you just love to mess things up! I HATE U, WIERD COUSIN, FAT AUNTY AND ASSUMINGLY HARMLESS UNCLE! What's more? the first thing i tot of today is- sian tml go school. with that reluctance, i went to wash up and my mum nag the entire time. it was alright until she said told me to mind my character, that my Bro n sis asked me to do things and i didn't. what the Fuck la. she only listens to them, criticized me e whole morning n never bothered to listen to me. e truth was i wasn't even at home and they knew it! so why backstab me! Fuck. angry, sad, disappointed. yet i'm defenseless. loveless. :(

2010-11-15T22:26:00.003+08:00

Rule No. 1: Don't use "FUCK" too often when talking to ppl. Makes the day dull.
Rule No. 2: Don't not comment that others are stingy with money especially if they're spending on you. Makes you look GREEDY.
Rule No. 3: Always be punctual especially if you can't stand waiting for others. No rights to blame them when u're in a hurry one day.
Rule No. 4: Do not say that others are fat or ugly or anything negative because you aren't the best either. Surfaces your flaws if you do that.
Rule No. 5: Try your best to be humble, considerate, punctual, friendly, selfless. At least make the effort to try. If you want to be a bad person, be smart first.
That's all folks!

2010-11-15T22:24:00.001+08:00

WTF my mother withdrew 2K today. And now she needs my ATM card for more $.
Still want to buy the more expensive things thinking its "more high class". -.-

2010-11-02T11:42:00.001+08:00

I just hate my friends so much at times.
Inconsiderate, selfish, slow, noisy, inefficient, DUMB.
Lucky the school is near my house.
Really hate ppl.

Bread & Life

2010-08-17T19:44:00.002+08:00

Is the world unfair?

My friends says
1) Home cooked food is the best! I just have to finish all my food.
2) I hate eating out alone.
3) I hate walking alone.

Those 3 above is what I'm doing everyday. Hearing it and pretending it doesn't happen to me at all. Ignorance to their conversation, they think I'm quiet. But what am I suppose to say?

Oh well, I hope that eating bread will make me grow up faster, out of this.
I used to think everyone had equal chance of everything, including the superiority of food one eats. Sometimes, I just wished that I'll be eating sharks fin while their eating bread when I grow up. =) NAIVE ME.

Whatever will be, will be.
I'll be going dragon boating tml! Yay!

2010

2010-08-15T20:48:00.003+08:00

A month ago, she would gladly cook nice dinner every night. Fried chicken wings, rice etc. Ever since she came back from KL, she no longer cooks.

One day, I was left with only 5 cents. I called her to join me for dinner downstairs, she refused to. She scolded me.

Angry, I went to the CC to do work till it closed. Dad still hadn't finish work to join me for dinner. He finally came at 10pm. He watch me eat. Seemed happy, I was actually sad.

Went home, she ignored me. I had late lunch and skipped dinner everyday. My savings are running out.

Today, I decided to cook for both of us. She said others need not cook at home, that's why their house is clean.

I hate it when she leaves this kind of statement. I know that my friends get their dinner with their family too. We just shouldn't compare.

Once again, I'm determined to work hard so that I can own my own life soon. I don't like a cram place. I will earn myself a big house.

I don't like PW too. Friends? What do they mean to me?
Why should I care about them when no one cares about me.

2010-02-13T21:36:00.000+08:00

i really don't enjoy cny at all. :(

2010-01-24T00:26:00.001+08:00

why does this kinda things always have to happen to me? i've someone who say's YOU ARE A BAD GIRL, A BAD BAD GIRL ten times! then she starts screaming at e top of her voice. i kept silent. and she says now u're happy, go out! go out have fun with ur friends! i kept silence, thinking that i should stay at home. next moment, everything slams- get out of e house befor i flare up again! like as if she wasn't angry at that point of time? lol. i left home hurriedly, couldn't find my wallet. grab 5 bucks and left home. broke e note by buying a newspaper. used one dollar on bus. bought ice cream n green tea. left with 15 cents! ok, called someone, got free dinner, went shopping for shoe in some fuglie clothes, then to chinatown to walk walk. got 2 calls from some other ppl to return home cuz she's angry again! like wtf? and i map told that she wanted to jump down? my fault uh? i didn't cause it luh.. and now i can't sleep cuz i think she's on leave tml! am i suppose to go out or stay home tml? :(

2010-01-24T00:26:00.000+08:00

why doesn't she want to share? use com only wad. add her own virus den use excuse say is i download. who's e com idiot here..

2009-12-30T01:03:00.004+08:00

I don't like mEdAn at all. Find it a selfish place. :( It has influence my best friend to become selfish too. No longer having common interest, or even time for each other. Can't even borrow a pen? sHe's no longer the person i once knew. That place is evil and I hate it.

Another thing.. Life sucks. Neither do I like to be at work nor at home.
Work:
1. Boring?
2. Lunch alone at times?
3. "Eh who wants to go smoke?"
4. "xiao mei ah, ni jin tian you mei you bang wo arrange yi fu?"
5. "aiyo, wo jin tian tou hen tong..."
6. "chan ah.. yao mei you shi jian, zuo bu wan le.."
7. "eh.. zhe ge zuo chuo le.. chan ah.."

WTF! Everything is negative about the people there.. cant blame me for being anti social. And.. I'm only employed to do data entry, why make me do dirty jobs like arranging clothes!!! ok.... I turn a deaf ear to that.. However, the efficient one has already done ALL the data entry work that hasn't been done since a long time ago, I wonder why the previous temp couldnt finish it.. Now, I just do the previous day data entry within 2 hours and... i've got like.. 6 hours free.. So... I actually found someone kinda sane.. She's an aunty too.. but not well liked probably cuz of her sane and motherly character.. Others love to gossip, unlike her.. So.. I helped her with the printing plus cutting of namecards.. Keke.. And the person who kept going "Xiao mei ah.." was not happy about me working for her because she lost her maid/bangala worker..

Actually wanted to quit this week but mum didn't agree.. So.. next week bah.. earn 250$ more isn't that bad. 5 weeks of allowence. I really hope that this pay plus ang pao can last me till june holiday..

And... I don't like ppl always being so self centred, trying to influence their thoughts to others and never trying to accomodate.

2009-11-30T00:10:00.002+08:00

I am not really enjoying my holidays. Was looking forward to it during O's. When it really comes, i'm actually dreading it. First Dec holiday without homework, sounds good?
Actually I can't stand it at all. First week, shopping. Knowing that I would be working, I spend $ on clothes generously. Looking forward to working at TPY polyclinic.
First day: Cycled to TPY polyclinic from home. Enjoyed the fresh air, which I haven't had since school holidays started. Lot's of thoughts ran through my mind, such as being able to reach the destination on time, safely etc. Then started work, looked forward to lunch, and finally going home, cycling in the hottest sun I can ever imagine.
Second day: Was much more efficient, had some free time here and there. Was thinking how I would be able to last through the month of December, facing a wall, sitting in a clustered corner, browsing through dusty files which never fail to irritate my insensitive nose. Unfortunately, all these came to an end. Though I didn't like it, I am still pissed. A daughter and mother can't work in the same department. So why can Lee S.L n Lee K.Y work in the same cabinet? ok, I hope this is not offensive, just stating facts.
Starting to dislike holidays, finding it boring. No $ to go shopping. And I stay at home all day, afraid of stepping out cuz I know, I'll surely spend $!!! I know I still have it, but.... I respect my savings, some hard earned, some through intelligence. I know I'll need it in a few years time, No $ no talk is my new thing. That's sad. I've been trying to find for a job, and I just can't settle for 1 that's less than $5.50. I know, Still being choosy at this time of the yr, that's what u're thinking right now.
Feel like a useless kid, lazing at home, not wanting to pack my room, doing what I like, being very hot tempered etc. Come on, it's just my short holiday before hell comes once again. Everyone is pushing me for a job. I hate it.
Gosh, just watched twilight, the first one.. HAHAHA!! I'm so tempted to watch the movie now!!

nightmares

2009-10-28T00:11:00.000+08:00

haven't been sleeping well lately n my eye hurts. nightmares keep appearing.. first was shadows on my wall, but i pretended to sleep. then it was a long struggle as it took control over my limbs. morning woke up and saw a much clearer image of the shadow. the setting was my bedroom, a man bow down in front of the single sized bed. sounds ridiculous but i'm not sure if the first half really happened or not. next nightmare also happened in my room. my neighbour,a young girl, was sitting on her window ledge perpendicular to mine. she threw her toy gun into my room. while i was picking it for her, she threw another one which unfortunately hit me. i was kinda pissed. i threw the toy gun back at her but she didn't manage to get hold of it. it dropped downstairs. then she jumped down in an attempt to get it back. i couldn't be bothered but to throw the second toy down since she was going down to get it. so freaky. i wonder what's going on in my mind. my eyes are feeling so heavy again, i'm off to bed. goodnight.

Pre o's disorders

2009-10-18T19:08:00.002+08:00

Here I am, just before the battle
With a sound of the storm, so far away
And you rattle on and on, it feels like hell
We both understand, it's the past that was harsh.

So how do I say?
I need some peace
I have my dreams
I want to soar up high
So let this week be, mine all alone.

I'll always look back
As I walk through my life
This memory
Will last for eternity
And all of our hardships
Will be lost in the rain.

When I've found my way
I'll find you again
Now until that day
Please wait for me
The old queen of my heart.

I'll never let go
While I fight this battle
Like there's no tomorrow
As the stars sparkle down
Like a diamond ring
I'll treasure this moment
Till till the battle is over.

I need space to study, and not nonsensical blabbers surrounding me.
Do know that I still love you but please leave me alone.
I'll be back with promising results, if and only if, I have my own space.
Then you'll be glad, I'll earn lots of cash, to end your hardship.

*Even the best falls down sometimes though, and I won't be surprise if I do.
Really have no discipline to study. I fall asleep every half hour when I attempt to study.
Man.. I WANT TO STUDY!!!

I'm feeling extremely sad, I want to talk to someone but i've got no one.

2009-09-27T19:59:00.003+08:00

Sad girl wants to say:

Yesterday was an enjoyable day. Played pool, swam at sentosa (Palawan beach), ate dinner with friends. If only everyday's like that, being happy with people.

Today's quite a bad day, overwhelmed with sadness right from the moment I woke up. Went out, sun was against me too. Came home just to find out that I've got loads of undone work.

Such a bad day and I've not got anything settled yet. Screw him.. Ruined me day. Can't wait for O's to be over. Don't have to care about studying or finishing my homework and I can go out play, eat, sing, drink, dance etc, till I drop.. By then, time will never be a limiting factor. But $ will be..

What ever will be, will be

2009-09-25T16:15:00.003+08:00

I'm just a little girl, I asked myself what will I be.
Would I be pretty? Would I be rich?
That's what this song said to me: Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see..

Sigh.. Had a series of talks from various JCs and polys. Actually intended to sleep through the entire session. Fortunately, I stayed awake for the JCs part and also the poly that offers biomedical science. No JCs caught my interest except Serangoon JC. Yes, you must be thinking that I'm crazy. VJC video had an impact, but SJC was much more practical. Perhaps going to a so good JC and end up being deprived of some previledges is not very wise.
SAJC is near, has nice uniform, good sports, and accademically alright. So where should I go to?

Actually, I don't want to go to a JC. Poly seems much more suitable for me, as I'm the hands-on kind of person and like flexible timings(when I can choose to skip lectures). But then again, what course? I'm so clueless, totally feeling so lousy with no sense of direction in life. Fuck my intelligence, I'm sort of forced into a JC.

Ok.. Lets see.. What am I interested in?
I want to operate on human (skull or spine or sth), or maybe be a dentist?
Or... Study nerves? Actually, why's everything about bio? I hate bio.. what's available for physics?? Whatever mentioned above is probably a long road but I seriously need a profession becuz I can't ever be in the service sector (selling insurance, property agent etc) becuz of my height! Life's unfair.
Maybe on the maths side, I don't mind anything too.. But what's available? what's suitable?
Is there anyway I can earn a lot of $ without studying much?? Someone please enlighten me...

Anyway, it feels sucky to be so lost. Suddenly this stuck me and there's no one who know's what i'm good at, even myself... help....

Chinese

2009-08-19T22:50:00.002+08:00

ok chi O's results out, scored an A2.
seriously don't know if I should retake or let it be.
What the VP said was partially true, take it again, may make a grade diff, don't stand to lose anything. My classmates were telling me to retake too. It's just another try of luck. Put it this way because O think my current result is already an accident.
BUT...
My chi teacher said,"if you get an A2, don't retake" so probably it's already the best that I can get. Or perhaps, luck that I've already chanced upon.
My physics teacher said, I was so happy when i got my A2 for chi. She said sth like... if you know your chi cmi, don't speak chi at home etc etc, and its already ur best effort, the grades are good, then don't waste time, spend time on other subs instead, save ur parents $ too.
the second option sounds more logical.. Anyway I don't really intend to use chi because I swear I'm not gonna screw up my sci or maths. I don't intend to but accidents do happen at times.. Plus what if my friends around me retakes and get an A1? I'll feel like a loser for not retaking! It's just 5 marks more ya?
Damn... Will some readers of my pathetic blog tag something to guide me? LoL.....

I went to hell

2009-08-16T22:09:00.002+08:00

I dreamt that I went to hell. No idea how I died. But it was horrifying. In hell, I thought about my friends, my classmates. How they felt without my presence in class. Insignificance was the answer in my dream. I thought about my family. How were they doing? How did they feel? I had no answer to that. I returned to Earth as a Ghost, spoke to mother. She had no reaction. Everyone else was at my funeral. It was at Clementi. I've no idea why.
I woke up. I recalled about my dream, still vividly in my mind. I thought.. What if I died before mother did? What's the point of studying? Life is still a journey, not about how much knowledge u have, but about the experience u get. I thought, I started to cry, I was afraid. Soon, I fell asleep again. My dream continued.
There's rarely a day that I won't hear any quarrels. I wonder why they can't live without disagreements. I remained silent as the quarrels go on and on. I thought, why not enjoy that moment when you still can be with your loved ones? I glazed out of the window as tears filled my eyes. I fear sleeping. I'm afraid that the dream will continue. Finally reached home at 6a.m.. Went to sleep. The first thing I hear when I woke up was - quarrels. I remained silent.
Perhaps I don't get involved in quarrels because I don't know how to get angry. I feel like a loser for this. If I happen to raise my voice, I'm never angry inside actually. It's merely a way for them to shut up since I hardly interfere.
How I wish I was borned into a happy family. Of course, no one can choose. I can only hope for the better. :)

fucking cool

2009-08-06T02:12:00.002+08:00

How the fuck are you? (greeting)
When I'm hungry, I am angry...
I want my dinner!!
He fucked the computer (Transitive)
It is actually a fine fuck (Noun)
But it is taking fucking long to repair (Adjective)
Fuck, if i knew it, mac would have been a better choice (ignorance)
I guess i'm fuck now (trouble)
Fuck him (aggression)
What the fuck is going on at 2.30am? (displacer)
I can't understand this fucking time for dinner (difficulty)
He's a fuck up (incompetence)
I really wonder what the fuck is he doing (suspicion)
Get the fuck out of this! I want my Food! (a request)
Or else i'm going to knock your fucking head off (hostility)
Get a bigger fucking brain (innovation) FOOD!!!

then...... hours later... food came..
Fuck, you scared the shit out of me (surprise)
my dinner is really fuck (anxiety)

ok...perhaps i'll have no dinner tonight..looking forward to breakfast now...
school is really such a fuck. lessons till 6pm tml. if i ever come out alive, i'll go home and sleep...
DREAD SCHOOL.

2009-07-25T21:01:00.002+08:00

It is an axiomatic truth that both M and D have agile minds. I received several documents from D to have it handed over to M. M attested enemy is D and it is an admonitory gesture that some acrid controversy will appear soon enough.
I had long abandoned hope on M and D getting back together since it had already been abrogated by law. I thought this accumulated burden had long been abolished.
These documents are placed in front of me now. I've screened through them and it was quite a horror. Expecting some assembled arguments to reoccur, I have an alleged reluctance on not handing it over to M.
After struggling for 15 years, I finally can have an abstemious life but...

Oh well.. M's back. Goodbye.

Detest you.

2009-07-11T17:25:00.002+08:00

Do you really think that you rule the world?
I'm starting to find you intolerable.
You take my precious days away from me.
Although I'm alone, I stand strong,
Unlike a weakling like you.
And when the world was in darkness,
You said that no one understood.
The truth is, you actually stand alone.
Goodbye.

I can't take it anymore! =X

2009-06-04T01:02:00.002+08:00

There's so many things I don't like and don't feel like doing... Feeling lazy and dat everything is a waste of time.. Yet, I do them "happily". Things that I feel like doing, I get to do them, but it always turns out as a disappointment.

Oh well.. That's just life when you get too busy for enjoyment that a moment of fun will end with a sad feeling that work is coming along again..

I wonder when will world come to an end. The glorious moment I would be able to stand still and observe things slowly evolving around me and finally, darkness.

The middle man - girl who is not happy.

2009-04-30T18:34:00.002+08:00

Nobody realizes when I'm angry or not. That's because I don't show & I'm good at faking a smile. Sometimes I don't know how to get angry its because the feeling is more of disappointment.

2+2 is the ideal situation but '2' wouldn't enjoy due to awkwardness.

3+1 is the fun, the one I know it'll allow me to enjoy and laugh. But it is just unfair to the '1'.

4+0 is the best, but this rarely happens.

If you are the '1' who will make the decision on 2+2 or 3+1, which would you choose?

Dad

2009-03-17T19:45:00.003+08:00

Argh!!!! Fuck! how could I have slept so early, not answering his call that night? Then, I read his sms in the morning, yet I didn't dare to return his call. It's all awkwardness I was trying to avoid until I met him. It was the most unwitting act. Then, I missed his call again 3 hours ago! Damn! What should I do? Really wanna call back, yet I don't have the guts to. Let's hope it doesn't become a regret at the end of the day.. I seriously missed him, yet I become speechless when I see his face. What do I do?

Missing Dad.

2009-03-08T17:27:00.000+08:00

I don't deserve living

2009-03-07T21:20:00.004+08:00

I just can't explain how fuck-ed up life is. Failures have long been circling in life, nothing whoo haa about it. Somehow, I discovered that I can't accept failures. Perhaps, I'm unwittingly being a loser all these while.

Tests after tests, always thought that it was alright if I don't really study for them since it's a way to judge the extend of that chapter I understand in class. Consistently reminding myself that it's alright to fail, as long as I know my mistakes, learn and move on. Another part of me agree with this thesis right now. Yet, I just can't stand how smoothly I let others tamper over me so easily. It's really been a disgrace to my name. It's like.. No tuition, no big deal. I'm happy relying on my own bare hands, even if I get scald along the way, because it's MY WORK, MY OWN'S ABILITY! I'll be more proud of those achievements. Really sounds like a loser saying this.. can't achieve expectations and still wanting glory for not asking for help. Damn..

Sometimes I just get so fuck-ed up, intending to screw all my test, my studies, my homework, play hard one last time like how I used to. Then get back on track again for the last lap.

Oh freak.. Actually I shouldn't complain, since I want independent results, I want to mould my own future with my own hands. But I really want to shout out loud that I'M TIRED!!! Is anyone able to hear and to reply me?! I just don't understand why people can breakdown in public and get other's concern. It gives this really sophisticated feel.

I'm just waiting for April to come quick. Really drained. Sounds more ideal to hope that O's will come and go soon. I know I do say that I don't really mind how much I score as long as it brings me to a realistically alright JC for the effort I had put in. Ends up studying the same stuffs, taking A's, moving on in life. That's why, I really see no point in studying so crazily like others. Once you pass this time, you can never bring it back again. If you don't play now, when will you play? That answers to where I wanna go to next. Probably a JC with more fun. SAJC? Sports! Yes.. Think about it, if you don't get into sports in JC, you think u'll chance on any other opportunities later on in life?

It's like treasuring certain opportunities, yet along the way, you lose some other opportunities. I've always told myself to take up opportunities that don't make you lose other opportunities. But I realise that's life. A road that has a division. One that little people walk on, another that people commonly pass by. I've always chosen the dusty one. Maybe it's time for fresher air, going on with life at a normal pace and giving up all those extra miles that I had previously worked for.

Screams: Get out of this damn disgusting world! I want an easy life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH....

Bad Days

2009-02-27T23:16:00.003+08:00

Times are unwittingly not doing good on my side. The grass is always greener on the other side. This seems rather inconspicuous to many, and it will sound rather ludicrous.

Pardon me for wrong usage of vocabularies, it's never too late to start working on my languages yeah?

Blood will not be driving its car seemingly for 1 or 2 months. How would I get to chance into blood? No car = No transport = No chance of meeting blood? Sounds dubious for one living in Singapore, a city of blinding lights, filled with buzzing night life and places for relaxation. Especially with the well developed transport systems, how burdensome can traveling be?

Howbeit, it seems awkward on how 2 blood related in with a 代沟 situation will be able to settle for a location to meet up. Blood usually drives me, seems rather queer if he has to ask me to reach a place for a 2 person gathering. Usually all bloods position is to send me home, but how do we part? Separate ways out of nowhere? Seems like I'm lowing his ego for it's bloods basic responsibility to send me home. Argh.. Just sucks.

School's another issue. Maybe I do have a grotesque character. I do things the way I think it's correct. My personal style. Oh whatever it is, I hope I don't ruin my name for either my laziness or weirdness.

Perhaps time management is my obstacle. Departing school at 7p.m., starting work at 9p.m. is really exhausting. Sleeping 6 hours or less, how is it sufficient? I can only put the blame on myself for feeling restless in class.

A dauntless hero I am. Overcome obstacles with my mighty strong willed, bull dog character, clinching on the the last ray of light for a drive to succeed in the near future. I admit it's tiresome but it's definitely worthwhile.

Go the Distance - FAC 2008, Thanks my friend.

I'm an achiever!

2009-01-24T09:14:00.003+08:00

Let me sum up 2008 and get ready for 2009.

January -New Classmates (was i thinking of the word "nerd"? still remember when the next teacher has yet to come to class, they would talk out even an emaths txtbk to read.. Stressed out at that moment sia..), New sub combi (thought I would be able to do well cuz i liked sci n maths?), Sec 3 camp (sucks, my class was splitted up), Committee post (Not what I expected, what I wanted, but had to live with it), CCA Orientation (Much unpleasant stuffs, we were on our own?)

February -CNY Outing (Liked the night when there were just 'us' left behind), got to know ppl involved in FAC (was kind of unexpected that some were in/out for no good reason that I could understand as a cadet in the past)

March -Tough training for FAC, wasn't easy with no trainers at times, all the disputes, the sacrifices for time to do hmk, sleep in class etc. Finally, managed to train hard, stayed back sometimes at mac to learn more hn/fa, to hq till sky's dark, dinner of char kuey teow at the porch)

April -12 came, FAC big day (got champs, spend the night together having fun at suntec area to raffles playing truth or dare)

May -Catch up with school work from Jan-Apr, lost interest with studies, lagging too much, sleep even more than before in class. Still had the habit of staying at mac to do work with frens.

June -Training Camp (just didn't know when to do what, a lost sheep), OBS camp(overly tired from sjab camp, fell asleep in their briefings, overall, fun!), SJAB day (was in the hall, quite sucky)

July -NFAC (Can't forget that I had a stomach ache after eating breakfast and went to SHIT. Heng I did it before footdrill came, LOL. When all ended, we went to eat pastamania tog, lots of tots went through my mind. It marked the end of my tough FAC journey, suddenly no more FAC, life indeed felt wierd), FAQ (Studied the night b4 at Cheryl's house. Morning studied a little on TOC, didn't regret that, when thing came, we were still so unprepared, in fact, I think I used bio for a lot of questions!)

Aug -Mugging time (felt so lost as fac ended), BGI (kept my weekends filled)

Sept -Mug even more, Shoppings, Prize Presentation at HQ (The night was filled with honor, all the achievements, the tough work, seems so have been worthwhile)

Oct -CCA Suspended, exams came, was really trying hard to do well, mugging 2 weeks before exams, still mugging before the day of exam

Nov -Course Achieve (Tough training to all), HN Course (Attended 1/2 lessons?), Hospital Attachment (Made me learn to love as I shared a bond with the patients, they told me stories, I cared for them etc), Vietnam Sch trip (Really enjoyed it, ppl there were really friendly, changed me a lot starting from my attitude and character, became more accepting, easy going, lesser temper)

Dec -Swam a lot, gym a little, out with SJAB ppl real often, planned Christmas BBQ, bought sch books (prepared for 2009 but I thought I said before school holidays that I'll start studying for 2009 in adv? LOL!)

Finally, 2008 has ended. Guess my greatest commitment was to SJAB. However, I would like to thank my friends for keeping me going. During this tough time, I felt like giving up, felt like the world was inhumane. But this has built a stronger and more resilient me, able to withstand more workload, more self discipline, and on the other hand, appreciate what I have, learn to be more understanding.

2009 started, my goals:

1) Finish all my homework on time

2) Not sleeping in class

3) Listening to teacher attentively (so that I do not need to study at home?)

4) Train up a new/good batch of NCOs to be/ FAC team

5) Mug real hard for O's. Aim --> Single Digit!

6) Use less computer

7) Keep up with my friends/classmates

8) Spend time with family?

9) Don't touch those stuffs ever again

10) Keep up with a good character being, most importantly, NEVER GIVE UP

Reminder - When a door closes, another door opens!

YLIMAF

2008-12-21T21:18:00.002+08:00

!Can I tell u to stop dat, Socks?

Don't treat people like ur socks, wear them for a period of time, when they get old and lost their elasticity, you throw them aside in your wardrobe, thinking that they belong to the lower class and wearing them is embarrassing?

You totally forgot how much you needed them because your feet truly stink! You are actually the one who is faceless! Have you ever thought that your socks never despise your smelly feet at all? How sad does it feel now that you've got a new one and chuck the old one aside?

Although I'm Shoe, I still do feel much for the socks. It's the relationship we have when you wear the socks and I protect the socks. Sometimes I don't treat socks well by allowing rainwater/mud to sip through but I really understand how socks feel when you treat it like this.

As usual, with my temper, I don't say anything to do harm, but it just makes me feel either angry or sad about it although it does not affect me. Change it will you? Treasure the old.

@Leg has a good temper, I guess?

Why must Kilale be so childish? Can you stop acting good in front of the old? Although I said treasure the old above. Don't act, be good, in your heart. Trying to be the apple of the eye isn't going to work for everyone except one. Speaking bad of others, complaining etc and trying to win favor is really very small-minded. It's really very obvious when you try to sound good when you speak to the person whom you actually complains about so nicely. Stop talking rubbish won't you. Everything you do no longer comes from you heart, but from your head trying to win favor of others. This really pisses me off at times but still.. I know ur temper and I know you. But I blame myself for not being able to change you.

#At the end, I'm still trying hard to be happy, loving everything I have with and around me. Because I really know how fortunate I already am. I need to do good. I need to treasure what I already have.

Tough Times Don't Last, Tough Man Do!

2008-11-14T10:40:00.003+08:00

Tough Times Don't Last, Tough Man Do.

We all have problems. The only man who have no problems are those dead, lying in coffins, at the cemetery.

What ever problems we have today, we have to deal with it. A problem is always a problem, big or small, it all has to do with our thoughts. There is always a solution to every problem. But if you think the solution is in someone else's hands, your situation is HOPELESS. We need to confront our problems with COURAGE, BOLDNESS and ACTION. Step out of our comfort zone, act accordingly, face it, resolve it!

If we live with a problem long enough, it could eventually become a blessing. Lets say for an infant who was born without limbs. Tell me friends, who can accept that? Would you rather choose to die? But if this infant could accept it and face the challenges of life, it would be a blessing. If he meets another person of a similar problem and has yet to overcome it, he would be able to say: I know how you feel, because I've been through it before, and I've accepted my fate and moved on, now, I'm HAPPY. Would this similar person of no limbs listen to someone with limbs or without limbs? It applies the same to life. People go through all sorts of problems everyday but as long as you face it, you will become STRONGER.

We learn courage # When we face danger.

We learn patience # When we endure suffering.

We learn tenderness # When we taste pain.

We learn the prize of true friends # When false ones forsake us.

We learn the prize of freedom # When we are in danger of losing it.

We treasure health # When illness strikes.

Without troubles, we would be like a bird kept in a cage, when we release it, it would die without knowing how to survive in the wild, too tender to ever live in the open.

We can never be a tough person if we have an easy life. The TOUGHER our life is, the STRONGER we become. Only if we choose to fight back.

*Tough times don't last, Tough man do*

Have fortitude, especially my young friends. Have the ability to endure and last. Be like the military soldiers, they wouldn't quit, give up or run away. Yes, there were times, problems approached you, tougher than you could handle. But don't let that doubt over take you. Eat it up, spit it out. Let your capability show, take these problems and solve it your way.

I understand that we only like the happy sweet moments. But what's happiness without ever feeling sad, what's sweetness without tasting the bitter? The sun don't always shine, sometimes there's storms, lightning, explosions, car accidents. No one escapes the problems of life. If it doesn't happen sooner, it'll happen later. It's only a matter of time.

You can overcome any obstacle of life, as long as you are willing to. *If there's a will, There's a way* Have a "bull-dog" determination or a "burning desire", that can help you face all opposition.

Success is not be what a person accomplish but by the number of opposition he faces before success, and the courage by which they have maintained in the struggle against all odds.

Don't hope for an easy life, hope to be a stronger person. The higher you go in life, the more problems you have to deal with. People can't be preparing or guiding you all your life.

Reflections

2008-10-08T19:57:00.002+08:00

Sudden sense of loss? Feels so bullshit. Exams are finally over. Isn't that what I've always been wanting? Everyday is so free now, what can I do? Swim, read reader's digest, going for movies, shopping spree, gym.

Totally lost. No more books, stoning into computer. It's just another cycle of a typical student who doesn't study ahead of time.

Guess november holiday is really going to be busy, with course achieve for 2 weeks, home nurse course, hospital attachment for 1 week, trip to vietnam for 5 days or so. Really wonder why I always plan so many things when I'm studying for exams and regret after that cuz I want to go out and play! But well, I also know that all of those above will fill my nov holiday with once a life time experience. Live to learn.

Just like how I've never regretted taking triple sci, learning malay, joining FAC, going for NCOC, CA, camps, OBS, etc etc. The journey through all these was really tough and I don't doubt if you hear me whining about them. But it's always after that which I'm able to see how I've grown from it.

Sometimes new things attract your attention when you hear and look at it. When you buy them, hard earn money, they become worthless to you and you forget all about it. It's left aside, unused, wasted. That's why, I never give up on things.

I remember 2 years ago when someone, playing basketball with me, trying hard to know me, cuz I was the problematic one, asked me: Will you ever quit?

Yes, I was problematic, I rebelled. But I said " Whatever I've decided to take up, I won't give up.

I wonder what I will be in future. Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? What will my occupation be?

Oh well, on the other hand I also do not believe in getting an A for everything but just to enjoy the process. I wonder how far can this logic of mine bring me to.

Childlike-me

2008-09-17T23:47:00.002+08:00

Little Pig Whispered to Me in My Sleep "I Love You".

Random thoughts went through my mind today although I know I'm supposed to be mugging for malay oral tomorrow.

*Childhood*

Favourite Sweet: Tic Tac

Favourite Colour: Orange

Favourite Artist: Westlife

Favourite Drink: Green Tea

Favourite Chocolate: After Eight

Favourite Food: Roti Prata

Favourite Teacher: Ms Thiang

Favourite Subject: Maths

Favourite Sport: Cycling

Favourite Place: 3in1 Playground, Longkang

Favourite Game: Country Eraser

Oh well.. Some parts of me were innocent too. There's still a part of me as innocent as ever. I may seem fierce at times but I still have a heart that ache when I see people injured. I may want to approach but my pride is too high.

My childhood may not be a good one but I'm also similar like other kids who loves little things just that I don't realise till I type them out today.

shen bing le

2008-09-05T19:28:00.002+08:00

Guessed my blog have decomposed after such a long time. Nothing wondrous about life. Simply because of the hectic lifestyle in this advancing world, taking away time for relaxations, time to catch up with friends and family members.

Another holiday meant to do homework. What's the difference with having school and holiday now? Oh well, pissed.

Miss the times when:

1. We study together

2. We exercise together

3. We chat all night long

4. We listen to each other ranting on and on

5. We go shopping together

6. We take photos together

7. We take the time out to eat

Oh well, the list goes on and on, but 7 is my favorite number.

If only we can turn back time. Times were difficult in the past but looking back, it seems like an ABC123 thing. Running along with time now is really exhausting but looking back at it in future, it's another ABC123 thing. It's just a cycle.

Finally had time today to reflect. Yes I have to admit life's never easy for anyone studying nowadays and there's nothing for me to complain about actually. Just tired after 3/4 of this year have passed. Wishing that 1/4 will be easy but wait.. there's still 1 more month for me to struggle. Only after that will I be able to see the rainbow and appreciate my 4/5 of this year.

Some people seen my friendster photos and said I look like a rich and happy kid. Oh well, maybe thats true. Photos make good lies too. How difficult is it to wear something nice and smile to take a nice photo in 1 minute but actually the other 1439 minutes you are unhappy?

On the brighter sight, I'm quite determined to study after my eoy exams. Sounds wierd? Only a dumb person starts to study after the exams and people say it's because the dumb regrets and study just to get dumber? It doesn't matter to me. Going to study just for my own sake and not for anyone else. Just wait and see if I do get tired and stop studying by then because I bet I won't really mean what I say today. Haha. Guess I was just joking about studying after exams?

ELLICE IS LAME

Meet the MaMas day!

2008-05-18T07:08:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was a happy day! Went to ECP with our mummies! We, the kids, met up early in the morning to prepare their food and complete the wax. Marconi~ Marconi~ Marconi~, Marconi! We prepared them gifts after our exams. Wasn't an easy task at all! We meet up for dinner so often that when we carry anything in our hands, you would just get suspicious and ask. Told so many lies such as total defence project etc. We did it after school by designing the cards and writing the messages. I brought the first 2 home to cut and I never fail to fall asleep while cutting. The other 2 was fully complete in school! The wax thing was done rather last minute! But maybe thats how it's supposed to be cause the marconi will expand. I brought the stuffs home to do. As usual, I fell asleep doing halfway. I held the gel up in my hand and with the stick for pushing the marconi in my other hand trying to balance while I sleep. If the thing were to get imbalance, I would just get a shock and wake up and continue doing! Good idea yeah!

On yesterday itself, preparation was so fun! messy throughout. Plus the stuffy kitchen. Jan cant handle knives!! She can drop it ok! Dangerous to work with her. LoL. At the ending part, there was wax on the table and I started to use my nails to scratch it off. The wax came out and went into my nails. It hurts pushing my flesh away from my nails but I just continued. I think only 5 minutes later than I realised it was bleeding and yes, super duper pain when i directly faced it at the tap and on-ed full blast. Dumb me. So ya, my flesh was half detached from my nails.

We were all chionging early in the morning to prepare food for tiff! Made us perspire a lot. Finally we are ready to meet our mummies! Mrt-ed down to Serangoon and waited for them. We had so much barang barangs with us! Walked all the way to ECP was quite a killer la. They wanted to help us so much yet we didn't allow cause they'll peep! Reached there, ate the food we prepared plus the salad. Super hungry after rushing the whole morning and everyone started giving me their food? I'm sorrie mamas and lil peeps! Slacked awhile and I suddenly felt super sleepy! So Jan and I went into the tent to rest and I really fell asleep. But not for long cause I could feel the bloody heat from the floor! And hearing their laughter makes me wanna play! So ya, went out to fly kite! And I still can't raise the kite? Mummy.. Its over!! LOL. I just kept saying that. But ya, its fun flying kite! Easy to control when its at the top but so hard to start! I was so determined to make it fly but pak ma want play frisbee! Play play a little, threw some balls with lena ma. Attempt to dry it while throwing failed! LoL. Tiff mummy came not long after. Then I confirmed melissa mummy was odd one out cause she wore white! Played even more and took pictures! Gave them their presents. They wanted to piece it so badly and it was so pai seh lah!

Li Shi, Tiff ma and I went to toilet after that. Long long walk all the way to area B just to find out the toilet is gone? So we took about one hour to get back. Thought of some plot to tell them cause we were super late. It was about.. went to find toilet, on the way back, some random guy pulled me into the tent, the shouted help and came to save me with another passer by. Ya.. Felt bad after lying to them. For the first time, I felt so much love and concern. First time someone has ever hug me and talk to me trying to know how I am. But yet, it was all fake. Yes, I did want to laugh and somehow, I was tearing cause I was touched and I was also thinking of all my sad things too. But the whole plot was fake. Maybe that wouldn't happen when real things happen to me. I was sad, I kept silent. No one will ever know until things has settled, then I would tell. But yes, that hug and concern and love is something i've never felt before. Then we started to pack up and leave that place. The wierd me is back again. I couldn't face up to them. I didn't talk or eye contact to them. It's just the old me. I won't ever do something like that to me closest friend and yet, i did it and cheated all of them. It's just a hole in my heart. It was my fault, and I should not be saying this at all. I'm sorry.

Then we went to Hans!! My first time there. Ate the chicken chop set meal. Share with Tiffany mama cause we weren't hungry. We took lots of pictures! Then, went to Mac cafe to eat ice cream. Talked talked and it was really late. Called dad to fetch them home and went for supper with him. Bishan is really a nice place. We went to the place at Bishan street 22 to eat. Reminded me when I was young, kor kor will cycle me all the way there just to eat. Though I wasn't hungry at all when I went to eat with him, I didn't regret cause it brought back my memories. Mum started calling but yea.. Shall not elaborate. Went home and chiong for com!

1 mth aniversary

2008-05-13T01:08:00.003+08:00

At around this time last month, I just arrived home after eating durian with dad. I was so eager for durian after trying to conserve my voice for the competition. Till now, I've not forgiven myself for the lousy timing yet. LOL.

Yes, I met dad because it was rather late on that night and I kinda...missed him.. WWe stayed up all night, afraid that things would change after 12 April 2008. It is the best memorable lovely day of my life. One month has passed. We've grown to learn to love and understand and accept one another. Within this one month, we've grown so much more. I can see the difference in all of you today. The once selfish you did not mind hanging with the rest anymore. The once obedient good mummy girl has learnt to travel and grown a little more independent. The once forever shooting people has learnt to understand others cuteness. This is saccharine sweet. Everyone of us is there for each other now. We meet up so regularly, such that not seeing each other for 2 days will feel awkward. Have we grown weaker in the sense that we can't survive without one another? Alright, look at things on the bright side! Our lovely mamas have also grown one year older on sunday! Really love them loads! If its not for them, what happened one month ago will be nightmare, and today will be totally meaningless. Thanks. We've also loved one another more! Its jus the feeling of wanting to meet them everyday and to take care of them. Love them so much, yet dunno how to express out in real life. Just in simple words, thats all i can do. I would like to do so much more but i dunno how to. Just wanna say, i love you mamas, and my lil peeps who are once so immature and insensitive to others. Hope we can stay together. If we hoold on together, i know our dreams will nv part. Stay on tight. I'll do all i can. Love u!

pissed

2008-05-11T17:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I wonder how selfish people can be. Keeping silent about things does not hide anything from me. Yes, yes, take everything away. Do things that makes you happy and I'm fine. Seeing people happy, I'm fine with it though it doesn't please me. Life is never happy for me, so I should just let others take away anything from me that can make them happy.

All the best in pursuing your happiness. But do not be selfish to others who are not like me. Do not snatch their happiness away.

All the best.

Mothers day

2008-05-11T05:06:00.002+08:00

There was a single and a couple. The couple was happy together. One of which was the single sibling.

This single was awaiting for the day to come. Though knowing that things would not turn out as good, the single wanted to do something. It was because of this single's friends who led this single feel the little love they all had for their mothers. Small simple art, their mother would keep it for ages. Little bites, their mother would eat it, smiling happily in their heart. Some simple drawing, their mother would appreciate it, no matter how it looked like. A drawing she has kept over the years and when she brought it out all of a sudden, friends would feel the awkwardness, an ugly piece of art they once gave to their mother, yet their mother is still proud to keep it and show her child: look, i'm proud of you who had drawn me this 5 years ago. No matter how ugly things are, their mother would still feel proud of them. Their mother taught them how to walk, feed themselves,talk etc. They have all reasons to be proud. Their own child is their biggest piece of art work.

Sometimes, mothers don't show that they really care about this special day. But to what extend is this true? They may try to hint, silently, hoping we would get their message by saying oh tml i've got no work or maybe giving you a call to ask you home. It all has the intentions of celebrating with their child but not wanting to say what they really want.

How different can mothers be?

I wanted to do something for you, yet I knew you would throw it away. Sometimes, its just so unfair. You just don’t know the value of these little things. My art has always been better than my friends since young, yet you throw what I’ve given to you away while my friends come telling me how much their mothers appreciated it. I don’t know why my art was good, when all I had was a set of crayons that I just up till today. No paint, no markers etc. But why?

Alright, that’s the past. Today. I thought of what to give you so you would like it. Flowers? You threw them away too. Food? You would compare and say something else is nicer. Please wake up would you? I tried asking sis n bro and they didn’t even give a damn about you. All I could think of was treating you to a nice meal. But look at how much you are nagging, do you think I’ll dare to step out of the house with you?

This couple had no fear of facing up to mothers day. All they had to do was to say: I'm going to the others party house to visit their mother. However, the single was left alone wondering hard what should be done. It's a day where all the friends have their own family event and this single had no one to talk to. This single is starting to feel exhausted of the present life. This single tries to get tired on mothers day by not sleeping for 2 days. Hopefully, sleeping will shield everything tomorrow. Afraid of getting woken up by nags, afraid of receiving calls from other party.

This single hopes to find a couple soon, to be able to spend a lifetime together, being able to turn to one another for shelter.

Giraffe Milk bottle Child

Mac studying

2008-05-04T03:49:00.002+08:00

Currently at Mac now using their wireless @ sg thing. First time user. This weekend is a really long one for the first time. One of the earliest timing's when I went home on Friday. Went loitering around, called a few primary school friends to catch up through the phone. Went home and nua-ed on the bed for about 4 hours. How I wish everyday can be so slack. Haha. Then some good friends called, chatted for quite some time, pulled myself back on feet to go mac to mug.
Was freezing at mac, was really boring. All I had was my ipod. Wrote geog notes, slacked more than studied, fell asleep while reading the last part. So haven't studied it till now. Woke up 20 mins later and continued with maths. Slept a few min on and off. Kept waiting for time to past. Was really lonely. The feeling of being all alone with no contact-able friends. Went home slept at about 8a.m to 12p.m and went out again.
Met Jan and had lunch together. Proceed to cc to study and lena came. I didn't really felt like studying all the time. Having friends around now is what I really treasure after getting a pinch of separating from them. I won't allow it to happen. Anyway, i still felt bad that they came down to study just because I couldn't get out of bk area.. studied, took photos, played a lil, was enjoying the time spent together instead of studying. They went for dinner after that while I went home for a bath and took my laptop down. Went to mac, here I am typing this. Staying here till morning again. I'm probably a night person. Prefer staying out at night. Time seems to pass much slower when the place is quiet.
On the other hand, some things that happened last June happened again. Its ok, I can take care of myself well. Not severe. Looking forward to after exams. Oh yes.. My phone bill went nuts this month. 800 plus smses and outgoing exceeded like mad. my usual $14 shot up to $47. Its a great bomb on my savings man. Haven't been taking pocket money yet money going out so fast.
Oh yes, I haven't met dad for about a week. Hope can find time after exams! Ok, gotta start work now.. its 4am and I havent started on anything yet. I'm hungry and cold and lonely here.

firefly

2008-04-27T02:18:00.003+08:00

I once knew a little firefly. It was always glowing. Especially in the times of darkness, it remained the brightest. Yes, it could never be noticed in the day. It was insignificant and useless. It could only stand out in darkness and it feels unappreciated.

Soon, the little firefly grew up. Its light didn't glow is beautifully anymore. It became emotionally weaker. Adding on to that, it was also physically weaker as one of its wings has dropped when it tried to brave through a fire when it was young. It was the only one who braved through the fire, all alone. Since the little firefly was so perfect when it was young and now it has lost everything.

Not only could it withstand the lost of its kin, it also managed to brave through the major intelligence test with the help of the ray of light that penetrated through. The light seemed like a danger at first but then it fly closer to it, it was the ray of hope.

Today, firefly is weak. it has lost its perfect self. There are bundles of light around me. Especially the short and fat ray, supporting my intelligence. Ok, this is out of the firefly story. The firefly is struggling day by day, it's tired, it's stressed, it's tired of living. But ultimately, firefly was once a perfectionist and it's gonna survive long enough to achieve the once perfect it to show its grand little fireflies!

Thanks to the rays it have met that gave it hope. So people out there, don't forget what you used to be. Look back in your life. You are once gold. Remain gold. Improve till you are satisfied before you die and die with no regrets.

Firefly was once a perfectionist and it will be again in time to come. Lives her life for the rays and herself.

fac n obs

2008-04-23T20:27:00.001+08:00

Dear Camel

I’ve came to realize something new today. You do have huge humps used to store fats. When I sat on you, it was rocky and unstable but I held on tight to you, knowing you were the only one beside me. We went through thick and thin together, in good times, in bad times, we are always together. Since we’ve traveled so far, we’ve already displayed the weak side of us. We accepted one another and continued with this journey. This journey seemed never ending. We were like lost kids in the desert. No food, no water, we tolerated together.

One day, when we really felt it’s the end, your humps has gone flat, you had no more energy to move on, you appeared to be someone I’ve never known before. This day came, you were so flat that you looked like a horse. A horse with muscular legs, able to serve its purpose well. You galloped gallantly, like as if we were rolling down the mountains. We took ages to climb up, yet when we are toned, we rolled down. It ended within seconds.

Today, we are back onto this flat road, standing on our feet again. There’s a big obstacle ahead. Will we overcome it? I suddenly saw how concern you and I were for each other today. Today is the day I realized we fought hard for one another. The disgusting sickening side that we used to hate each other about have been accepted unknowingly. Its just how surprising how we made it through together.

I also know that when I wanted to go for sth else, leaving you alone, you were a little mad at me. I don’t mean leaving you alone forever. Its just another part of my life. I hope that you could have come along with me too. But some things do not come in our way. I promise I’ll hold on to you tight and not let you go. Trust me, my ___ will not change even when I come back. That moment we were together is irreplaceable.

*Camel can mean quite a few people in this short para I have.

Love,
Banana Phone

Mas

2008-04-21T01:58:00.002+08:00

Dear Sunshine,

I suddenly miss you alot. P.S, ppl reading this will not really understand who's sunshine. F.Y.I, sunshine has something to do with my primary school. My msn nick has never change since primary school. Anyway, I really hope that sunshine is reading this now.

I guess no one has ever known the whole of my past other than you. We used to spend loads of time together complaining how life sucks. I felt truely sorry when I was forced to part with you after those memorable primary school days we had together. Though many would not agree that I should mix with you, I can only say that there's no good or bad. We've been through thick and thins together, we did many things to forget our fears, we stood by each other in times of trouble. This is what I call a good friend. We may not be able to differentiate between good and bad in the past. I just hope that you are doing well now, if you ever read this, just give me a call and I'll be down to meet you alright.

I suddenly thought of my past today. All the problems I had, I shared with you openly. Only you. Now that you are gone, recalling my past is a big burden. I can't seem to forget it so I have to bring it everywhere silently. C'mon, if you really read this, and I'm sure you will based on the good info you have, please come and pick me up on my feet again. I'm willing to be your listening ear like how we were towards each other in the past. I had never considered sunshine an end.

Love,
*ice*

2008-04-19T13:24:00.000+08:00

Alright. 12 April 2008 is over. Let me start from the beginning.
All of us, came for training, late, reluctantly, whinning abt test and ssp,, another wasted day etc. I lived day by day, kept telling my self: school work, mk all do in class. Aft sch fac is fac, do my best. Go home bathe, watch tv and sleep.

I dread this period of time the most then. Felt it was a waste of my time, I’ve been yuan wang so many times etc. I’m not afraid to say this now because 12 April have passed. Be it good or bad, I’ve learnt. Beginning, yr 4s were having a hard time choosing the man positions. They aimed for li shi and I to be first but I really wanted to be third. Why? I would get the chance to do cpr which I’ve always loved and I need not command or be the timer etc. Thus, I down graded my attitude strongly. Moreover, looking at the team’s attitude, Iknew it is a losing team and I don’t wanna be a leader who will lose. My pride is too high for that. Thus, I shut the doors, go for another wasted training. So obviously li shi would be the first! Haha.

They somehow knew I was slacking too. So they threw me to be the second. Obviously, I complained a lot because I could not be a timer! Foot drill I’ve tried timing many times, but you guys just said: ellice voice was hoarse, too fast, in consistent, too soft etc. I hate it. It dampened my mood every training. It was really so bad that even fran and jan didn’t mind taking over me. See how sucky I was? I really felt like pon-ning trainings then but all I know is if I pon, janicia would pon.

Janicia has been constantly with me all these while. We do quarrel a lot, we do share our feelings together too. Its like being so close but yet hating it so much. Can you understand this feeling? So janicia, being a strong girl now, I don’t think I need to guide her and control her bad attitude anymore. She has grown up. Shucks. I hate to say this. We also screwed up our whole discipline duty. We tried planning trainings on Tuesday and sending them one day earlier. When we go back to school, we had to change the whole thing. So we did, hoping that corp matters could get better. Next day went back to school, we needed to change again. Does anyone ever understand the feeling of going home feeling so tired after fac and having to do training program until 11 plus? Its not difficult changing names, but its difficult sending to everyone. Things is so tight then. Anything that I tried giving a little lee way and slack a little, I’ll definitely get scolded, be it by officer, by teacher, by ncos. No one was ever understanding, but I did it just hoping things in the corp would get better. But it never did even till today. And I’m starting to feel exhausted. But Cheese pancake, do not fear, we’ll work together even if we felt like dying at times. I’ll commit myself into zhsj no matter how tough the future may be because I believe if things can workout within two weeks, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. I’ll be the one to make things possible even if I’m all alone at times. Feeling stressed up now.

The was another time, we stood at the parade sq and got scolded for 45 minutes! I was pissed by ur noise level. Even detention ppl said: shh… All I know was: if I wasn’t the discipline, if I was jus a cadet, I would have jus flared up and walk off. My pride was still there but my face was thrown onto the floor okaye. All the teachers, students, canteen stall holders see us training everyday and now they see us getting scolded so harshly. No one could say anything. Its all the unencouraging words and demoralizing stuffs. No one likes. But I understood you guys just wanted to make us feel the pressure. Then, li shi started crying followed by fran. Fran felt dui bu qi li shi. But me and jan secretely laughed our way back to canteen. I know I’m mean and cold blooded. But that’s part of the reason why I am a discipline who haven’t flared up yet. Janicia and I was pissed of course! We could have just flared. But we knew if any of us did at that time, we would definitely scold who ever who did, me or her. Moreover, the ones being affected is our own team members, not like the past when we rebelled to the seniors anymore. It’s our own people.

We all felt that.. argh.. we’re so lousy, we started training so late, our man was not really confirmed yet, our knowledge is so lil etc. We cant expect the yr 4s to waste time on us anymore since we’re losing and they’ve got their o’s. We’re just gonna be so sorry for losing the trophy that has stood in the cupboard for years. That’s all we’ve gotta lose. Nothing big rite?

But suddenly, there was light. It disrupted that thought of being sorry. It felt even worser. I wanted to win all of a sudden. It was really sudden. Lena and PM was looking at our footdrill.. It was shit. Yes I know. Then tiff came back to take her cert. She saw us, She couldn’t tolerate our losing attitude, the no confidence us we once were 2 yrs back. The confidently rebellious me has already began to accept the fate.

She could not bare to see these happening. From then on, she came back when ever she could aft school to train us.
Remember the first time she came back, she had a talk with us and all I could tell her was no one wants to be in a losing team. But we were all feeling helpless knowing that we are one ourselves. Thanks to them whom had built us up in yr 1. We all had a common tot of not wanting to lose. This made the difference. She plucked up the courage, seek the other graduates to come back to train us. It wasn’t easy training some one so weak just 2 weeks before the competition. Many of them came down soon after. (Pm, Lena, Tiff, Melissa, Minthu, etc etc. ) Really thank you for coming down again. I thought the hope is frail, you guys had already given up on us long ago, especially when I felt ignored by you guys when I was still in sec 2. This two weeks of training told me something. Nothing is impossible. Thank you. Feeling sad that things ended so quickly.

But at that time, I jus felt that they may have only placed their hopes on the ambulance as they are the potential winner then. I wanted to win, yet I kept saying I cant. I studdenly felt all the stress I was facing. We booked the hq, when there for training. We went there, not knowing how to do top, bed making, etc.

Stll remembered the footdirll the other time. Jan’s leg wash hurting, cyn scolded her for not banging, li shi scolded her sayin dat if on dat day she sore throat, she need not shout. She got pissed off and walked off. So did li shi. I was controlling then. If I had left to find my forth man, or myfirst man, it wasn’t right cuz the rest of the team members are with me. The rest stood there, lost. Li Shi came back to the lost quiet little puppies, trained a little footdrill without the heart there anymore. Cindy replaced janicia.

Cyn sudden;y had the thought of swaping jan with cindy. She said we could do a better job. I immediately disagreed and she said I did it because of friendship. But to me, if you know me, I’ll always prioritise the more visible one. I was greatly affected by her words. Yet, I couldn’t show I was. I had to stand strong at that time. We decided to go back to janicia and talk things out. Went back to home nurse room. All sat in a circle. Li shi and I started talking. To me, jan was either death or really immersed in studying her first aid at that time cuz she was like a mute who didn’t say a word after so much was spoken. Suddenly, she shouted back at lishi. I could see her teary eyes, and li shi broke down too. I was crying hard in my heart but I appeared strong and continued speaking. It came to a point I couldn’t stand jan’s quietness anymore and I spoke something to poke her. Yes, I succeed. But I bet she must have hated me for saying that. But that was my purpose! LOL. To make her pissed and talk! Then she shouted back, Li shi got angry and started shouting etc etc. Fran immediately tried to stop everything and she herself cried. The yr 4s just sat silent all these while. I just wanted help by you guys but yet no one replied to my msgs. I continued being strong and things started becoming better. I couldn’t control the heart wrenching moment in me anymore. I went out of the room, still holding my tears and sat there quietly, thinking and thinking. Then, stupid chee saw me there but I ignored him. I’m sorry. Went back, did a lame thing by rolling a pencil to next door and they rolled back. We continued our day.

When you guys finally came, I was already drained. The rest of the members were still happy even after they cried. Its so unfair. I was really silent and felt so outcasted. That was the night we ate char quay teow there. Nobody knew how I felt but it was alright as I see my team standing strong once again. The once confident me was lost again. Everyday, I go for training and quietly crying in my heart.

We took all the chance we had to go to hq, trained home nurse, never ever completed a case on time, forever screwing things up, even the last time we went hq to train, we still did not complete the case.

Just a few days before the competition, even when the school was closed, we went to the cc to practice our footdrill. Then, we got scolded by tiff after that. Its like.. you felt we were all sleeping, all not confident of winning again. But to me, I was really stressed up, I felt really misunderstood. I’ve controlled those tears so long, now you are back and I’m misunderstood again. Tears welled up in my eyes, I looked away. After that, pm came to ask if I was alright and I just said I was immediately, she ask if I did cried and I just said a strong no. Then she said: yar. My eyes got prob. LOL. Yes, now I dare to confess that I did teared. I had no rights then to say I wasn’t. I was still a nobody then. A cadet who have not achieved anything.

Oh yes, I still remember lena’s email she sent us. Her point was to motivate us, no matter how bad we were, but when we believe, we can do it. Back then, I didn’t really appreciate that email. I felt dat.. yeah rite.. I believe oso no use cuz I’m so lousy. Hah! But now I didn’t regret not deleting it. I’ll keep it forever man! I love that email now.

Looking back today, I really miss those days. All those scolding, embarrassments, tiring days have past. Somehow I wished this FAC would never be over. I miss you mamas.
“Tough time don’t last tough man do”. All of us did our best in FAC for the 2 weeks of training we had. We stood strong just to find out that FAC was coming to an end. I really hope mamas will always continue to be with us. Don’t ever get bored of us and leave us out of your life please? I will find time to meet up no matter how busy I am because you guys are one of the most important ones in my life. You guys have left deep memories that I can never forget so please, don’t walk out on us and turn it all into a nightmare. I do love you mama, do you?

2008-04-13T01:00:00.002+08:00

Yes yes, I've achieved it!

Proud of it in a way that the past two weeks of training was so tough, yet we made it. The stress everyday I've experienced, studying first aid / home nurse for 1/2 hour and sleeping the nxt 1 1/2 hour was really a disgusting process for me. Going for malay on mon and thurs, being disliked by the tic, getting a diff treatment thou i'm still her malay student, was definitely shitty. For the past two weeks, I had always wanted to end malay early just to go for training. I really did not mind anything, be it staying back till there's only a last train home, or going to the hq until late at night and end up sleepin at 2 plus just to continue revising first aid and home nurse. I really felt shitty many times but I just had to hold back my tears because... I have only shown my strong side in sj before, never the opposite. I cant afford to let the other nursings lose a strong wall fall. Plus i admit my pride is too high to cry infront of others lah.. hahax!

But what i'm not proud of is.. winning by one point. Yes, we won and i'm truely glad. But yes, I dare to say that we won because of our home nurse. We've trained really hard for that. but the thing is, i definitely do not think we won by one point means we're the champs. Its like.. Going for first aid com and failin first aid, doing foot drill with a shittiest timing, really felt like breakin down after that. Maybe the one point difference was caused by me. Home nurse was screwed up a little lah.. but ya.. nth much abt it, we had really done our best, that we all know cuz we all shouted "YES" (givin hi 5s to each other) once the lift door closed. When the door opened, our stern face came back. haha! so fake. I'm really sorry for the timing. Now, i just felt that this few minutes of strong me maybe did help by not dampening their moods and allowing them to do well for their home nurse. The only thing i know is that saving my tears so many times and it finally has a gd cause this time.

Alright.. we went to have steam boat after that.. Really felt very very bad that I drag it down. I know I could have done better. The tears were still in me then. Oh yes. I remember when we were all rejoycing at the last part in lecture rm 2 and you guys were allowed in, ben suddenly called me out. I was totally like.. argh.. shit wad now. Jus to realise that the tics had a high level meeting and found out we trained till late night. There will be a consequence too i believe. Really saddening while we were all together playing. I started getting emo havin the tot dat it's the last time we're gonna be together. Just silently walking behind, crying in my heart. Its the end of the journey. Things suddenly passed so fast. I didn't want it to end. Yet, now i'm home and regreting the emo me during the last few moments together when I could actually have so much more fun time together. Shucks. I just wanna stay in the past and get scoldings by you guys. I've grown, yet i prefer staying young.

FAC day b4

2008-04-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

STRESSSSS!!! I’m screwed before FAC day tomorrow. Its all the over whelming fear within me. The fear of zhao xia-ing, fear of not being able to coordinate, fear of not being focused, fear of cameras, fear of people! So much for footdrill. Next for first aid, fear of forgetting the signs and symptoms, fear of not knowing what to talk to casualty about, fear of not being quick enough, fear of stammering when deducing to mdm. For home nurse, fear of not finishing on time, fear of not being able to do top on a fat patient.

That’s about it, bad enough. I swear that after today, tml is a brand new day and all these fear have to be gone. I will have the thought of winning, the confident me, the reliable me. I hope that my teammates will be able to trust me and we can stand united in the hall while doing first aid, in the home nurse room doing case and at the car park doing footdrill. Our minds will be linked up, the most energetic ones ever, remembering all we have learnt and put them into use tomorrow. I will not let those trainings go into waste! I’ll persevere no matter how scary the atmosphere is because my team mates are with me!

It doesn’t matter what the outcome will be, as long as the team effort is shown to the fullest potential!

2008-04-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

Dear Dustbin,
Let me fill u ur u poor little bin, it stinks, you may not want to read.

My life is screwed. I’m not growing up anymore, Just because of one reason, my pride. I’ve noticed this long ago. I can’t afford to lose. Whenever I thought that I will be losing, I’d disheartened. I’ve tried very hard to improve. It started from the beginning where I knew nothing. People spent hours drilling me, scolding me. I’ve learnt a lot at the beginning. At that time, the future was so blur, we never knew what we would be like in time to come. I’ve tried hard to help the others and myself.

Just as the day approaches, my pride held me back. Yes, the thought of losing made me want to study where ever I go, in class, after school, at home etc. But the word “lose” is a foreign object obstructing my airway. I’m unable to breathe, my brain became dead, nothing could go in. I was obviously disappointed, knowing I’m not going to win. The thought of no championship is really embarrassing. When I was a sec 1 student, I looked at my seniors trainings, and I knew my CCA wasn’t just a CCA but a commitment. I once thought of being like them, but I’ve failed badly.

I’m not going to be a loser yet. I’ll still continue to study, train hard, take the last lap seriously. After training for so many weeks, hours, days, minutes, seconds, it was just for that competition. I’ll definitely remember the process. Whatever the outcome, all I can say is, I’m sorry for losing that precious trophy that stood there for years. I find myself a total disgrace.

2008-04-06T00:04:00.001+08:00

Dear Papa,

I know you won’t ever see this but I hope God will help me send you this letter in heaven next time.

When I was young, I remember you would bring me to Changi by sitting a long 58 bus ride there. Mama was never pleased by that but as long as I worked hard for it by learning my ting xie etc, you wouldn’t mind tolerating mama’s nagging.

When everyone in the family was against you, I, being the youngest, did not take sides and you continued to bring me up. You brought me for supper at Thomson Prata House remember?

It has always been hard for me to talk to you. All I could tell you back then was my test results, school stuffs and that’s all.

As I grew up, I didn’t like you. I’m sorry to say this but you spoilt my later part of childhood. You may not understand why but it was just because of your selfish attitude towards the family and your affair outside.

Through all this selfish acts that you have done, I still need to thank you for being such a great papa. Everything you did, make an impact in my life. I became a strong young girl, who is able to tolerate most things.

Overtime, I have forgiven you. I made time in the wee hours to have supper with you. Not everyone have forgiven you but I have as you are my daddy.

I’m sorry that I’ve not been seeing you for so long but if I’m given a chance to meet you, I definitely will. I’ve just been too busy lately and I seek your understanding.
If one day you were to die and leave me alone, I want you to know I appreciate you and I see you as the best dad.

Currently feeling sad daddy, please bring me to the Airport like you did 9 years ago would you?

Love,
Your Precious Daughter

April Fool!

2008-04-01T22:48:00.002+08:00

Morning started of monotonously, dread school. Yes yes, Mr _ was nagging about my long finger nails. When he wanted to walk off, I suddenly said: Hey you didn't zip ur pants. The actions he did was hilarious. He took the class attendance file and cover to check. Next he gave me that blank look and I broke out into laughter. So qian bian rite. But it's April Fool's day, what to do lah. Hahax. Went for lessons.. Boring lah. No mood take notes, just slept through most of the time. But I was surely awake when we were watching the MAGIC SCHOOL BUS!!! Nice Nice!!!

Next up was the usual thing I used to complain about. But today was different. Beginning it sucked. Seriously, when not everyone's present or when we are left alone, its like meeting your tombstone. Ahem.. then someone came, got motivated, happy happy go train. Things look good now but its still too early to say.

One thing I hate to do is to come to a happy ending so early because whenever I think that things would go on smoothly, it never. So its still to early to say now. Just hope that I wouldn't be a LOSER at the end of it. Else.. I wouldn't know which toilet bowl in Singapore to flush my face down. Maybe all these that happened today should have happened earlier? Nvm.. Not for me to say, in fact, I'm really grateful. =)

I only know that no one wants to lose in any competition they go for. I don't want the time, efforts everyone put in to go to waste. But all these are not within my reach. I've got no say to the end results. Its a team effort.

SCHOOL SUCKS

2008-03-21T18:40:00.003+08:00

Alright, this blog is dying, my past was dead to, but memories were kept alive.

I recalled there was a song like this that I sang during my primary school morning assembly.

Heaven is a wonderful place

Filled with glory and praise

I want to see my savior's face

For heaven is a wonderful place

Pong Pong Pong

Heaven is a wonderful place

Filled with glory and praise

I want to see my savior's face

For heaven is a wonderful place

And when ever everyone of us sang the pong pong pong, we would all burst out into laugher. It felt wierd singing that when we never used that word in a song before. Really love this song.

Imagine when I was still in lower primary, going home singing to my sister, wanting her to sing together too! And after more than 6 years, I still remember!

When I started singing it today again, sister said: Jesus died today. I really forgot about it. I still love God like I did when I was young. It's the most innocent love, with nothing to lose. But I just don't know why.....

Thinking back, I really love the old days. When there was an inspiring story, like the 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes, Jesus stood on water, etc, to start your day every morning by either the principal, vice-principal, aunt may etc. Loved wednesdays the most when there was chapel.

At upper primary, I made new friends. Though they weren't really the ideal friends parents would think of, but those were real friends. Tough ones, trusting ones.

Of course, things are ultimate different now. I hate school. The difference between those friends was that I had a teacher that woke me up. So, I landed in a "good" school which I really hate. People who studies so hard, probably do not have as high moral values. Which explains why I'm more anti-social now, my dear p-skool frens who r readin dis.

On a happier note, its good friday today, a break from school, before starting to go school from 7am-6pm for 3 weeks and non-stop school for 9 weeks. I really dread school.

Chinese New Year

2008-02-10T02:17:00.000+08:00

Ever knew how challenging it is to like something/someone when you totally don't? I wouldn't agree that it's considered as avoiding because it takes a whole lot of thinking to accept the fact and learn to like it.

I do admit,

1. I abhor chinese new year this year

2. I collected less than 10 ang paos

3. I didn't look forward to reunion dinner

4. I silent my handphone

5. I didn't bother to go house visiting

6. I haven't seen my relatives/cousins for about a year

7. I allowed people to think how ill-mannered I am

8. I disgraced my D**** but all he wanted was fame

9. I disrespect my M**** for giving in to D****

10. I didn't want 1-9 to be full-filled but I didn't give a god damn thought about it.

Yet, I am glad I went through chinese new year positively. Guess you must be wondering what I did with my 96 hours. I woke up at 12, ate tidbits, lied on sofa reading fa manual, feel asleep, wake up at 8, eat dinner, tv till 2am.

Well, I dare say you must be thinking I'm a pig but I enjoy my life and I don't want school to reopen. It's called LIFE when you get the whole world's time in your hands, doing what you like.

I'm not saying that people should not celebrate chinese new year. I admit it's my flaw this year. I do want a happy chinese new year. But I know my attitude is much better than 2006, though I visited less. But only through 2008 then will I be able to further appreciate 2009 and so on.

What's happiness without sadness?

What's success without failures?

What's family without problems?

What's casino without $?

What's parents without their flaws?

If possible, I would choose the king & queen as my parents.

Somethings don't go the way we want it to be, but we live up to our own happiness, own conscience. Do what you think you like and not what you think it's right.

ONE LIFE, LIVE IT!

2008

2008-01-01T00:07:00.000+08:00

Sunshine to Dear:

As 2008 draws near, dear and i would like to bid goodbye to 2007. Dear's busy cleaning up her house. Physically, she looks good and ready to go with her clean looking house. How about the closet she has inside of her?Still tormented by that particular one she can't let go of? she's definitely guilty of clinging on to the past too much while the future can be fearful cuz she doesn't know whats approaching. But the past is scarier to me becuz it has the power to trap dear memories. So this new year, while dear's cleaning up her room, I hope she remove all physical remnants which reminds her of unhappy memories. Let it be a new beginning, another phase with me!

Dear to Sunshine

In this context, Sunshine is something or someone, a very wide range.

2007 has been a bad year i guess. No proper time management, bad attitude, didn't like to mix around much, was rude in speech, gave much of a hack care attitude, said A LITTLE vulgarities, scolded some ppl badly just becuz i wasn't in a good mood, had a messy house/room, disrespect to the elder, slept in class etc. Its too late to turn back now. Lets see what I improved on.. Had a little more friends, not close one though, did score better in school, went for all my cca trainings, became more independent, I think its gd, but some ppl say loner, grown up more, traveled a lot more alone, did some house work, earn more money etc. Wish I had done more, but 2007 is over too! Hahax..

So.. 2008, here I come! Indeed, i fear 2008. More school work, studies get tougher, cca gets busier, friends get weirder, home gets messier, hand writing gets uglier, money gets lesser etc. But all I can do is look into 2008, look at a block of time. I see 12 months, 52 weeks, 356 days, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes, 3153600 seconds. I have done nothing to deserve it, earn it, or purchased it. Like the air I breathe, time comes to me as a part of LIFE. Another important thing abt time is that u cannot stop it. There's no way to slow it down, turn it off, or adjust it. Time goes on. And you cant bring back time. Once its gone, its gone. Yesterday is lost forever. If yesterday is lost, tomorrow is uncertain. We may look ahead at a full yr's block of time, but we really hv no guarantee that we'll experience any of it.

Time is one of my most precious possessions. We cant waste it, worry over it. The new year is full of time. As seconds tick away, Will u b tossing time out the window or make every minute count? So sunshine, Lets strive on together!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-25T03:03:00.001+08:00

Okaye! Finally managed to create this picture.

In case you can't tell what it is, its one of the character in "babanas in pajamas". Unsuccessfully did it for twice. Finally came out with this fuglie character. It's really different but no time to waste. it's 3.30am now! Sunshine will be out soon!
Oh yes! The background tells you what occasion it is TODAY! Christmas! Love this sentence alot: Marry boy child Jesus Christ was born on Christmas Day!
Alright.. Comming to the cartoon character, it was premiered in 1992. So B1 and B2 is older than me! It was one of my favorite cartoon. Probably one of the few i could understand. Let me recall.. I loved bananas in pajamas, teletubbies, power rangers and mr bean. I was a crazy lil kiddo who will sing the song repeatedly after watching any of the shows mentioned above. Esp Mr Bean, imitating his silly actions! But no doubts he was really funny, i adored him okaye!!! And as for Bananas in Pajamas, I'll sing this:

Bananas in pajamas are coming down the stairs,

Bananas in pajamas are coming down in pairs,

Bananas in pajamas are chasing teddy bears,

'Cause on Tuesdays they all try to catch them unawares!

Yeah.. So cute hor.. And their key phrase: Are you thinking what i'm thinking? I think I am.. HAHA! so funny larx..
Okaye.. I shall end here. Gonna spend my Christmas sleeping time. Its rare, only once in a yr I get to sleep during Christmas! Oh ya.. After talking so much, I still know what Christmas actually is ok.. I still love the true meaning of it instead of just for a public holi.. HAHA! Merry Christmas!!!! Frosty the snowman is meeting me in north pole! Nights!

BBQ 17 dec 2007

2007-12-18T02:43:00.000+08:00

Officially reached OUTER SPACE at 0049 hours. Had peng kang session under the MOON. Guess the sun was in bad mood, thus showering for such a long time. So finally this day came, where MERCURY, VENUS, EARTH, MARS, JUPITER, SATURN, URANUS, NEPTUNE along with the dwarf planets CERES, PLUTO, ERIS could meet up. Reflecting back on the first day these 8 planets were discovered, it fits this song quite well “At the Beginning”.

Lyrics (cut short):

We were strangers

Came for CCA orientation

Starting out on a journey

Went for first CNY outing

Never dreaming

Who knows training starts

What we'd have to go through

All thio tekan, angry, sad etc

Now here we are

Finally

And I'm suddenly standing

We bonded, stand strong with one another

At the beginning with you

Reflecting on the past events

No one told me

Never knew that

I was going to find you

You were always there

Unexpected

Surprised that

What you did to my heart

You’ve changed me to who I am

When I lost hope

Even when I felt like quitting

You were there to remind me

You spurred me on saying

This is the start

Lets hold on together

I'll be there

Now yr 3s

When the world stops turning

Stand by always at all ears

I'll be there

Now yr 3s end

When the storm is through

Watching sunrise

In the end I wanna be standing

Together still

At the beginning with you

At the same spot from the start

We were strangers

We were goon doos

On a crazy adventure

Going to pulau ubin

Never dreaming

Who knows

How our dreams would come true

We could pass out

Now here we stand

Facing the POC

Unafraid of the future

We know we’ve made it

At the beginning with you

We’re together again

I knew there was somebody somewhere

Feeling afraid but you beside me

Like me alone in the dark

During the night solo walk

Now I know my dream will live on

I know everyone has to go through

I've been waiting so long

Having the fear in my heart

Nothing's gonna tear us apart

But its over, we’re together again

I know not 8/8 planets will agree with this, some has occurred, some hasn’t. Even if only 1/8 planet agree, which is me, it’s alright. Today has been fun when the SOLAR ECLIPS “occurred to the 8 planets”. Plus the dwarf planets whom are nice, shining brightly for you, ready to help you etc. Its been a great day. Guess all the efforts put in to planning this day has been paid off. And thanks to father, who actually threw his customer away to fetch me and planets and UFO (barang barang) there. Plus the car’s back tire was deflated. -_-‘. Thanks for fetching me home too. After planets shifted out of its axis, he brought me to the SUN (Thomson prata house) to recharge my cell. Charging in progress. Please switch off. Good bye!

2007-12-11T10:32:00.000+08:00

Adv camp is over. It was really memorable especially at ubin. Hiked in the afternoon, reached jelutong, last check point, cheered for other grps, did foot care etc.. Learned to pitch basha which was one of the fun part. Had dinner and food was really great! Rice was cooked okaye!! Night approached, was really chaotic, couldnt see where or who i was with, made light sticks.. SO COOL!! Went for night topo.. Saw wierd figures from the trees. Its like everyone was seeing things but it was actually trees.. Couldn't walk straight, kept banging into yi hang. She didnt mind cuz she banged into me too! Haha.. Finally reached the place that we were suppose to set off for night walk. Last group to leave so we chatted, relax etc. When it was about to reach my turn, george said: Hey! i say a guy!! really.. after that sir walk pass he came in.. there.. look!! so we all freak out.. doubting his words.. we turn den he said: now its dark.. cant see.. den we turn agn and all saw.. so freaked out.. den nxt was yi hang turn to walk.. she was scared by him.. LOL! My turn came.. was afraid cuz of george silly thingy. Thinking back, I felt i did a dumb thing. I saw an officer, I stopped, turned 90degrees, stare, since he/she did not wave, i stared longer to ensure it was a human. den turn back to continue walking. Did the same thing the next time. Continued walking. Saw many wierd things beside. Heard footsteps behind. Felt it was the next person but didnt dare to turn back cuz of the things beside. frogs croaked along the way.. Haha.. Then nxt was sort of marching about.. jus w/o swinging of arms but wif timing.. I really had to dare myself to say timing in front of so many people. Sleeping time was great! If yi hang didnt wake me up, i dont nid fall in le.. LOL!! No mosquitoe bite, No sand flies bite, No ants bite! But me area had WORMS! okayes.. they dont bite. Nxt morning went back mainland!! Tried to sing in bus.. end up me n yihang zi high cuz sing half way no 1 sing liao.. so malu.. then somehow eikkar and prisilla got forced by sir fadrick to go home.. kinda saddening. And after that rui han and yi hang also the same thing. Decided that if they were send home, we would all go wif them too.. Haha.. den had campfire.. Group performance was not too bad, actually would have screwed up if i didnt extra extra go burn the ketchup song.. haha.. campfire my group not high.. i sat infront a bit malu.. tried to high.. but failed terribly.. LOL.. after that had green bean to drink. and thanks to george who helped me.. Officers came to talk. I was still afraid of sir wei long.. Tried to look into his eyes.. Den stared at him. Dunno what to say. Really got a phobia after tat morning call from him wif a huge scolding. Didnt ever dared to call him or look at him eye to eye till dat night. I've tried. It just scared me off.. Hell.. Then I was kinda dunno wad to do mood cuz of yi hang thingy.. nv laugh, nv tok unless told to. Alright. imagne it urself. then went to bed, nxt morning telematch and debrief. Debrief was funny. Kinda wanted the officers to "show concern" to ask abt our food for survival cooking. Actually it was to hao lian to the standard dat our rice were cooked and our food was good.. LOL!! Bo Bian.. Just Nice Memories. Esp Solo walk.. Its only that 5 min once in ur life time. Slowly walked, treasured it, its over, but memories. Goodbye ubin.

Old lady injury

2007-12-02T00:43:00.001+08:00

Version 1:
Aunties n uncles: Aiyo! Yi buat dor.. lau huay leh! Aiyo.[ Aiyo.. She fall down..She’s bleeding leh! Aiyoh..]
Me: Eh.. want go help not? [Mind confused]
Shao n Zhen: [looks at each other and stood up]
Like minds think alike: siao liao.. no bandage no nothing.. my food.. $2 gone..
Zhen: Er.. wo men shi first aid de ren..
Aunties n uncles: st john de ar? Wah.. xie xie zu ar.. [ wow.. thank God ar..]
Me: Eh.. how? Faster go check if pupils dilate or the ear fluid..
Shao: huh.. orh.. [sees ah ma eye]
Zhen: [With his bloody hands apply pressure]
Like minds think alike: so much blood..
Me: Oi.. put ice la.. got pressure n reduce swelling ma.. stops blood oso.. call ambulance ok?
Shao: Calling but no ans..
Zhen: still busy applying pressure with tissue..
Me: eh shao.. ask her got dizzy not. Got wan vomit not. Can breathe not..
Aunties n uncles: [translated the above into dialect]
Me: Oi.. ambulance will take very very long.. so much blood leh.. [ legs trembling]
Ah ma’s son or sth: er.. so long ar? Maybe I can drive here to hospital..
Like minds think alike: siao gin na.. ur mum or sth u not gan jiong.. faster la!
Aunties n uncles: eh.. there got police car.. maybe can fetch her to hospital..
Zhen: [runs after car]
Shao: Wa.. police still can stroll here..
Ambulance arrive
Like minds think alike: phew.. case close.. LOL!!
Aunties n uncles: wa.. thank you leh.. there can wash hand.. * bloody hands* Ah boy.. wan change your soup to hot one not? LOL!!

Version 2:
Enjoying our palatable lunch when an unpleasant accident occurred. The old lady fell and hit her head. Due to the commotion, we advanced to the scene and left our almost untouched food aside. Blood staints were on the floor, the old lady’s clothes was soaked with blood too. However, the crestfallen thing was the owner was busy washing off the blood staints within her stall. Explaination was done to assure the people we were first aiders. Took note of the signs and symptoms like dizziness, dilated pupil size, ear fluid etc as the old lady was treated. Rang for the ambulance handily. Blood was oozing out of her wound, sipping through her hair, flowing down her neck where a table clothe was used to absorb the blood. Piles of tissue was used to apply pressure and finally, ice was used too. The ambulance and police arrived to investigate and brought the old lady to the hospital. We were dismissed and as we went to find a washroom, weird smiley faces were everywhere. Finally, we went back to our table but the sight of the curry resembled the blood. Lost our appetite. Ate our chicken drumstick and went off.
Oh Well.. This is just how fragile life is. One moment you are buying food, and next your life is in danger. Wonder if we did save the day. Being a first aider isn't easy. I'm only 1% of a real first aider.

ncoc

2007-11-17T09:52:00.000+08:00

Waking up with an unpleasent call, starts of the day really badly. It could have been a total failure but yet the thick skinned me, braved through that call. Oh well, I've been using "gan zuo gan dang" very recently and it applies the same here too. I'll just have to face it real soon.
It's also sort of walking into the fire by yourself since I___... Having to see him soon, get hollered, lowering my pride, really make me a failure. On the phone, I've failed, soon, I'm failing again. Really so shi bai... But I'm not going to say sorry.

I love you

2007-11-05T18:19:00.000+08:00

Holiday time! Free n easy schedule. Except for saturdays having some sickening course.
Anyone free to go gym, swim, run, cycle, blade, fish, bowling, beach or simple have a drink wif me? I'm available. XD

If I say that I do miss you, would you believe?
If I say I wanna return to you, would you welcome me?
If I say I'm sorry, would you forgive?

I'm abandoned, being all alone.
I'm anti social, dislike interaction.
I'm a loner, but don't i really mind being all alone.

I'm sorry sunshine. Please forgive me will you? Let me return back to you. I love you.

Officers Treat!

2007-10-13T19:58:00.000+08:00

In commemoration with the news of the commendable results achieved, villagers had a luscious feast. The crispy crumbs covering the tender chicken was beyond compare to anything you could ever imagine. A bite of it would definitely be palatable. Besides that, the chicken drumlets which are much smaller in size was also stupefying. A morsel of it and you would be able to taste the highly seasoned taste of the spicyness and sourness with your gustatory cell activated almost immediately. Even the egg prepared by Mr Tiger was gratifying. The cheesy taste within it would sip into your mouth as soon as u eat it. Scooooop-A-Doooooo?! Doesn't it sound appetizing?
Oh my.. If you are dying of hunger now, I'm sorry! There's more to come! Let me discribe it to you, try guessing. It was a portion of bread covered with tomato sauce with chicken marinated with rosemary. It savoured the scent of the saccharine sweet chickeny smell. It was definately irresistable! There was also the cheddar-crusted Cheesy Bites. We had to twist, pull and dip it into the smooth and warm Swiss cheese fondue. With the distinctive piquancy of those cheese, every bite of it was toothsome. Are you able to imagine it? Go for it, its wonderful!
So now, do you Live to Eat or Eat to Live? I would definitely Live to Eat. Life is so wonderful with food. All you need to do is to immerse yourself into the deep taste of food and we should enjoy it with the aid of our gustatory cell.

2007-10-10T19:14:00.000+08:00

Whoots!! Ger has finally finished her exams & even got her results back. The process of going true these exam was unendurable. Ger fell sick after the second exam. She had a fever on Tuesday afternoon when she was studying Mathematics but she was forced to complete the Sets and Notation topic. So that’s all she studied for her Maths and it took her 6 hours to figure out those bloody symbols. Upon getting her papers back, she only scored 4/7 marks for sets and notation. Efforts really paid off huh.. Needless to say, I shall never blame Ger for bring careless. There’s no point after getting back the papers. So she slept at 8pm that night.
Wednesday was quite a good day because Chinese was the next paper and there’s nothing to study. So Ger went out with me to Macdonalds to teach me Science. I figured that was quite a good way for Ger to learn because when she teaches me, it proves she understands it too. Oh well, that’s how knowledge is pass on I suppose. But afternoon came and Ger came down with fever again. We went back home and she slept at 6pm! Goodness, how pig can Ger get when it’s exams time?!
Friday was the completion of all exams! Smiles of joy on everyone’s faces as it also meant the end of the year is approaching. Ger and her friends went to Kovan to munch at Hong Kong Café. Interaction time with friends was marvelous. But there was something which cropped up. Police called Ger’s friend handphone. No Joke. We were nearly taken by it but she didn’t want to answer as 999 is a one way call. I told her to check her phone book and guess what? Police really called okay! It was Rui Han the police officer. Yes sir? Am I right? Oh well, Thanks to Ger for suggesting about the phonebook contact. Geex..
Monday Ger and friends went out again. Damn.. I’m getting real jealous, she doesn’t bring me along. Sob sob.. They went to Bishan, cycle, play badminton, watch TV etc. Hmph.. Just look at how much marrymaking I’ve missed out.
Tuesday Ger and friends went Sakae too. Ger ate the most and her friends calls her ‘pig’. RAaahhh! How could they. Eating is such a joy, she definitely Lives To Eat! Oh but please, I hope Ger won’t ever get oversized. Hehe..
Okaye.. Here is Gers cat's pajamas results.
Chinese 58.5/100
Literature 62/100
English 70.8/100 (Not finalized)
Science 73.5/100
History 85.3/100
Maths 89/100
That’s it! Goodbye folks!

quiz

2007-09-21T20:29:00.000+08:00

Oh.. Its really perplexing why sunshine gave me this quiz. Perhaps it's only part one he wants to know. It's alright. Sunshine needs to be praised at times too. The second portion is to all my beloved friends in Singapore. Really love them all, went through thick and thin, shared joys and sorrows, made each others day! Love my friends back in Singapore. Big realisation ever since I came to No Mans Land. Thanks Peeps!

1.(the person(s) who tagged you is ...)
Shall pick Sunshine's name since he asked me to do it.
2.(your relationship with him/her is ...)-
My partner with me on honeymoon.
3.(your 5 impressions of him/her ..)-
Fun, Happy, Apple polisher, Sweet, Socially accepted.
4.(the most memorable thing he/she had done for you)-
Telling me never to give up.
5. (the most memorable words he/she had said to you)-
You are Pretty.
6.(if he/she becomes your lover, you will..)-
Already my lover & I will love him forever.
7.(if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be)-
Improve on having a bigger heart to love me more each day.
8.(if he/she becomes your enemy, you will...)-
That means a divorce? No Way.
9.(if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be ...)-
Him being the totally opposite of himself. Impossible.
10.(the thing you want to do for him/her now is ...)-
Giving him a hug and making his day
11.(your overall impression of him/her is ...)-
Best person on earth
12.(how you think people around you will feel about you?)-
Think I'm a total despo but pls, I'm not in real life.
13.(the character you love of yourself is ...)-
Trying hard to see good in everything.
14.(on the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are ...)-
Imagining too much whether sunshine loves me or not.
15. (the most ideal person you want to be is ...)-
I, Me & Myself.
16.(for people that care and like you, say something to them ..)-
I love you, for who you are and what you are. Even if you are a badie.
17.(pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you)-

1)Jovelle Ruth

2)Li Shi

3)Kcp

4)Janicia

5)Rui Han

6)Joleen

7)Zhen Wei

8)Joy Thiang

9)Eik Kar

10)Joey

(who is no.6 having a relationship with?)
No one. Maybe me, friends since Primary 3.
(Is no.9 a male or female?)
Male. So be more gentleman since I said that.
(If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?)
Why not? The world is about acceptance.
(How about no.8 and 5?)
They don't know each other. And there's an age gap. But nothing is impossible.
(What is no.2 studying about?)
Studying everything she comes across. Life is a journey of learning.
(When did you had a chat with no.3?)
On msn on Wednesday
(What kind of music band does no.8 like?)
Hillsong
(Does no.1 has any siblings?)
My brother and I
(Will you woo no. 3 woo you?)
I do hope she would but I love her anyway.
(How about no.7?)
No idea but I still love the people around me.
(Is no.4 single?)
Yes, currently available. Go for it guys!
(Whats the name of no.5?)
Rui Han
(What's the name of no.10?)
Joey
(What's the hobby of no.4?)
Observing the crowd for Sponge Bob.
(Do no.5 and 9 get along well?)
Yeah. Yearmates whom attained glory together.
(Where is no.2 studying at?)
Zhonghua Sec 2E4, my beloved classmate
(Talk something casually about no.1)
Hey, you look fulgy huh.
(Have you try developing feelings for no.8?)
Tried real hard. Used to hate her. Now someone whom my life is amiss w/o her.
(Where does no.9 live at?)
Hougang.
(Are no.5 and 1 best friends?)
Don't know each other. But guess they can be.
(Does no.7 like no.2?)
You never know what's hidden behind scene.
(How do you get to know no.2?)
Through St John, she was really enthu at the beginning, thats why I'm here.
(Does no.1 have any pets?)
Nope. But I think she treats me as her pest.
(Is no.6 the sexiest person in the world?)
Yup. I'm not sick or les. But everyone's sure sexy in their own way.

Sadness after scoldings

2007-09-17T20:30:00.000+08:00

As we were on our way to plant the R.I.P, we saw a tribe. They told us that any deceased would have to be burried by their own family member to show kinship. The closeness among the family, how much they treasured one another that anyone lost would make a difference in their lifes. The tribe will also attend the ceremony which shows the harmony and unity and importance each and everyone of them were. Elephants and camels were also known to be a sacred animal. It was a grand funeral and they invited Sunshine and I to join them as a token of appreciation on finding that little boy and atempting to save him.
They sang a solemn song and played the beat with drums and coconut husk. We weeped as his death was great grief to us. After the 3 hours funeral was over, our eyes were all swollen. Only then did Sunshine and I learnt to treasure everymoment. I had the strong urge to call home as I had finally missed the people that once surrounded me. However, the reception here is inferior. We tried all kinds of electronic mobile devices but to no avail. Oh well, seems that other than sunshine, there's no one else i can confide in at this moment. Good Grief! After such a long thought, its almost midnight! Nights folks! Beauty sleep is awaiting me!

Little Boy

2007-09-13T22:25:00.000+08:00

As Sunshine, camel and I were having a stroll in No Man's Land, we saw a shoe and there was a trial. We followed the footprints quite a distant and saw a little boy lying there unconcious. He had the innocent look, as thin as a beanstalk and was dressed in very skimpy attire. We fliped him over to have a closer look. Unfortunately, blood splurt out from his open chest wound. We knew we had to save him. We placed him over the camel and brought him to the nearest house at posthaste speed. By then, his heart had already stopped. Sorrow filled us. We weap as we realise how brittle life is. Thus, we should:
1) Dote on the people around us
2) Treasure every second of life including sorrow moments else 'happy' would lose its meaning
3) Promote world peace -riots, wars etc lead to thousands of deaths
4) Do whats within reach -make it or break it
5) Be satisfied with what we have not what we don't
Oh well.. Thanks for the sorrows that has taught Sunshine and us to treasure one another more. We're going back to.. I'm not really sure where that was but the little boy's blood was trickling down the camel as we were walking. We're going to trace it and plant a R.I.P. Goodbye folks!

School and Friends

2007-09-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

Sunshine's not an attractive person. Ger dreads meeting me after being on our honey moon since 2006-2007. But sadly, its unaviodable. Ger has to bear with me till 2009. Guess she's got bored especially of our camel. Its really irritating when camels have the adaptions to live in the desert and we don't. Long eye lashes for the camels and I really wish I have one too. Its rather hard to have her looking at me eye ball to eye ball saying I LOVE YOU. Thats why she cares about the look of me, based to my exterior.
Yups! BUT... Come on Sunshine! I ain't that pretty too! So even when our lovely camel looks into my eyes, it's like me looking into hell. I do admit I get attracted but I know I would only end up with you, only you.
Guess our dear camel gets irritated when it doesn't get Sunshine and Ger's attention.I know Ger really wants to get me a companion but since we are on No Man's Land for honeymoon, it's called No Man I assume there are No Camels too. Still, Ger keeps encouraging me with her soft look into my eyes telling me that maybe oneday, I'll follow her footsteps and find my own sunshine! Her footsteps are:
1) Loving Sunshine, seeing only the good side
2) Giving in, with thoughts that arguments aren't the best solution
3) Ignoring the past. The first look of uglyness. But..
4) Appreciating what's around. The interior beauty.
5) Being thankful for what she has. Even herself as a steping stone from a single cell.

Step Up

2007-09-07T01:24:00.000+08:00

Sunshine & I were having our honey moon in the desert. With the torridest sun and the sight of the well, we rushed towards it at a breakneck speed. To our dismay, the scorching sun has dried up most of the water. There was neither a bucket attatched to the well nor a bottle in our hands. Having the desperate need of water, I bent down as much as I could to reach for it but to no avail.

Instead, I lost balance and fell into the well. Sunshine did his damndest to pull me up but failed. After many unsuccessful trys, he gave up. Sunshine decided to end all these misery by burying me up in that well. He gathered the sand and shovelled them into the well. However, it dawned on me that everytime sand came in, I could SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP!

No matter how painful the blows or how distressing the situation seemed, I continuously shake it up, step up.. shake it up, step up.. shake it up, step... Soon after, I STEPPED TRIUMPHANTLY OVER THE WALL OF THAT WELL! When Sunshine wanted to put me out of misery by burrying me, I put myself out of misery by STEPPING UP. The end results always depends on the manner which overcomes our adversity.

THAT'S LIFE! If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity ... THE ADVERSITIES THAT COME ALONG TO BURY US USUALLY HAVE WITHIN THEM THE VERY REAL POTENTIAL TO BENEFIT US!

Thanks Sunshine. Guess we had a great honeymoon experience!

Have No enemies for all the revenge will only make them stronger. Instead, let them suffer retribution.

Happy Teachers' Day

2007-09-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

I finally pestered ger into having a blog! Gee. Now I can better understand her and shine for her! Soon, I'll let many of her friends know more about her life including the moment we spend together. I also hope that ger will ownself blog and share the joy she has with others!
Today is teachers' day! Ger has already wished me Happy Teachers' Day and to all her teachers! Though I'm her sunshine but she treats me as her teacher as she consider me having qualities a teacher has for a student.
Qualities are
1. Teaching her right from wrong
2. Giving her moral support when she's down
3. Advise teaching her how to walk her daily life towards success
4. Sharing the joy and sorrows together
5. And many many more.
Thus, ger loves all the teachers including me! And my present from her is this blog. She never wanted a blog so i think she won't blog often. I shall help her keep it alive! Hehex.